I was soo extremely weak yesterday I couldn’t think, couldn’t eat, couldn’t walk as fast as I used to every day, even my digestion rejected anything I swallowed.. I was like brainless person.. The doctor said my blood pressure is dropped to 99/60 or something (hell with it) and I had to eat lots of veggies and work out more often while my dad said I supposed to eat lamb to raise my blood pressure.. But I was too weak to reach them all… I just had medicines….. then today I found a way to raise my blood pressure…. :

An article I just found on google:

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.
What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenalin.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

free lulur ......yay

previously i got this lulur a.k.a body scrub for Rp17,000 from warda, a work mate but today i got it for free heheheh it was from another work mate.. she gave away this balinese lulur to every girl in the office hehehh she's a bali native and just got back from there, she said the lulur was only Rp7,000 each in bali!!!..other workmate told me someone at kemang festival sold it for rp30,000 each.. what a profit!!.. i dont know why this lulur is quite well known among girls.. but i proved it smells good.. ive had used the seaweed flavor..today i got the carrot.. but it still smells good.. and it really smoothened my skin!!!!!!! dammit they should pay me for this once again.. hahahhaha im not even a freelance marketer anyway.. now i have a plan to do on this weekend already which is six days ahead...heheeheh i'll pamper my self with the lulur and dvds...koolll.,... who doesnt look forward for day off *sigh.......

pressure........

just found my disgust-face pic on titan's blog heehehhehe.... what did i disgust about? it's natto... or more exactly natto sushi...yuck!! it's made of fermented soybean..literally fermented!!!!!!!! without any further process..in Indonesia it is similar to tempe but i think tempe is more civilized made...and i love tempe a lot......wat bout natto? it smells like shit!!!!!!!! by smelling it i wasnt interested to go further like eating it maybe...i way prefer sushi... and i like sushi alot but this kind, thanx...

i found closer look of freakin natto from wikipedia.. there u go..enjoy....



haahahahah i imagined eating natto is like being under pressure.. maybe for the first trial..well at least for me...
speaking of pressure,,,, i kinda have been experiencing and used to it recently...but of course i still need more strength to deal with it,,,,

under pressure by queen

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that tears a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da - that's o.k.
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets
Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
O.k.
Chippin' around - kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets - ee da de da de
People on streets - ee da de da de da de da
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher high high
Pressure on people - people on streets
Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn
Why - why - why ?
Love love love love love
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And loves dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

sunday work!!!

It’s Sunday and im at the office.. hhhhmm yeah I know it sucks but at least I’d get paid for it.. at the moment im just waiting for my other work mate to work together with me,… last nite I slept on the floor as it was freeeaaaakkiing hot I couldn’t stand.. ive got my fan on… and kept coughing during the sleep.. been 4 days of cough.. Yesterday I spent half day cleaning up my room.. and mopped the floor ---so finally I can sleep on it..heheeh… been three days of skipping fasting as I got my accident .. it’s not really different than when I fast coz.. many food stores are closed in daylight.. they’d open since at least 5 pm… the actual schedule of Sunday work starts around 12 or 1 pm but I was just bored at my room so here I am.. have downloaded five songs since 11 am hehehh.. it’s not bad.. as I am the only one using the internet at the moment.. the connection is just as good as a flash…
This is what I, emil, titan, risti and rifa did on Friday after hour..hehee.. we took picture of ourselves on a mirror reflection at the entrance of our office,….

people like u are the reason people like me need medication........

this movie is soo kool.. i like the way charlie raise money and helping his friends at the same time. though he eventually realized that selling drugs is wrong...it shows how goodness come after passing bad stuffs whoahahahah i sound damn cliche aight.. forget it :p

perverts are off during ramadhan

hahhahha today as i walked home from my workplace...calmly and peacefully... it was a rare thing since usually streets perverts do the psst pssst psst just like they play a record of it.. hhahahha screw them.. maybe they're fasting too.. i like this circumstance.. well it shows that they actually realized what they do was no good to others and very much reflected their lust so they have to resist it during ramadhan hhaahhaha......alhamdulillah....

What titan did

A reckless driver, identified as "T", on Friday night has brutally hit a traffic cone with her car at a parking lot around Mampang area, South Jakarta. The incident was first discovered by one of the four passengers in the vehicle who spotted the badly damaged cone had already been stuck between a car stopper (see picture). Witnesses believed the incident at the parking lot was not the only offense committed by the suspect that night. "At least two other traffic offenses were committed by this wretched driver," a witness, who was also a passenger in the car, said (but only in her mind, not saying it out loud for fear she would be kicked out of the car in the middle of nowhere at midnight). People (especially security guards and traffic police officers) are advised to keep watch on this driver because you never know what other offense she is capable of doing.


written by: risti (heeeeehhehehehh)

gggrrrrr.....

God… it’s fuckin bid’ah here…. Btw bid’ah is the so called believed praying behaviors in islam that are only “believed” by people which actually are never mentioned nor suggested in/by Al-Qur’an or hadits… wat’s wrong with these people in this damn metropolitan city Jakarta… yeah they called it metropolitan but I don’t think it represents the supposed residents behavior… I think people here are more into closed minded than opened ones…well not all of them but certain kinda people…what is it good to set the speaker at its loudest and get other people’s ears starting to deaf up---if there’s any of such term---- well I once read that Muhammad SAW said to one of its follower who read Al-Qur’an so loud so other people could hear….he said that it’s no good because not every body could accept the behaviour.. there is possibility that a number of people would feel bothered with the loud sound and will resulting in the bad image of islam……. Hmmmm I think that makes sense to me..the probability once really happened here in Indonesia several months ago.. in Riau as some wacko foreigner got mad at some jamaah masjid who read Al Qur’an soo loud with the speaker…and eventually they made up each other…..ok it’s different with Azan case.. Azan is the call for praying and are only done five times with around five minutes each…. Not exaggerating….. Allah doesn’t like exaggerated stuffs… why are these people sooooooo aaaaaaaarrrgggghhh?!@ I really don’t get it….:-s

alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have had much new stuff in my life recently… so yeah ive got a job, thank God for that heeeee… I kinda enjoy this job because I only have to do something I once did at uni, only this one is in english…..

So sometimes I gottago to office at 6 and back home at around 5 or most times over time hehehhee……….. For notification, im now at 3 months probation and been through 3 weeks so far.. ive done some trials and errors but errors are more likely hehehhehhe…….. sometimes I get really bored and I often had this sudden headache at work… just trying to experience the advantage of drinking tea as they told me, that tea is number one solution for headache…… my headache was like a migraine actually, and that definitely sucks

Ah ya.. by working in the recent job I had lived in Jakarta whereas larger amount of perverts live here as well , dammit!!! I said this according to the facts that everyday I walk or bicycling those perverts at least strike their filthy “psssstt… psssttt” those dirty whispers as if they wish me to glance at them and stripped…. Fuckkk!!!!!!!!!!!


Another story is ive passed that probation and as of now I just finished having sahur… ate meals on the dawn ehhhee.. yes this is the first day of fasting month ramadhan.. my first ramadhan with full time job hehhehe still have to go early in the morning at 8 and go home at 4.. they gave us dispensation yes. ..on Saturday nite I went shopping for stuffs like food containers and a sereal and milk that was all food I got for myself but guess wat I had to get my ass in long bored line.. this time it was quite unusual as the line was longer than previous days.. yeah people were involved in their own paranoid kinda euphoria as they approaching themselves to ramadhan .. that’s a little bit weird to me I mean.. the hypermarket would open as ususal every day but why are these people were stashing tons of foods like the next day gottabe famine day… a bit overwhelmed…

Well I don’t mean to make reversed story but just reminded about wat we did on Friday nite….yeah me and my work mates..titania, emilia, rifa and risti.. we continued to go around Jakarta and finding right spot to take pictures of ….our shoes…. Hahahhahahhah I wonder wat could be sillier than that. Reversing again… around two weeks before as we done our sushi eating at a mall,
we got to explore the mall further and found MCKY shop… a shop that sells all mickey mouse stuffs in it and u know wat it was 90% sale!!!whoaaa I was like.. allright ran find some good for u that doesn’t look cheap .. and yeh I found several shoes…. Tried them one by one until found the fittest one to my monkey feet… :p then I invited my friends along to the shoe rack and they tried them and found them not bad before finally paid them hahahha….back to the finding cool spot for our photogenic shoesss,,, we didn’t find it!!!!!!!!! we went around to different places on the way to the earlier-meant spot.,..like a chocolate store called “dapur coklat” which was still opened on 9:30 pm hehhehehh thought we were the last customer there as only two cups of hot chocs remained…. Turned out we weren’t, two other people came as we got out the store and jumping like crazy to get shot by cameras haahahhahahh…(see picture: me on the left)

another shot

finally someone gave me a call to do an interview in his company hehehhehe........after 3 weeks in vaccuum. Although he said it's gonnabe my first interview in that company, i dont care... i'll come... i just need a job,and i'll take watever is in front of me hehhehehheh.........btw i take "first interview" as there would be another tests to go--only if i pass this intrvw---- but i dont mind, i surely will do it. again i have to compete with other fellow unemployed hahhahaha.... it's getting exciting i suppose. i just view it in a positive way which is im getting to know the pattern of recruitment tests in some companies hehheheh. this time is the newspaper company and the section i applied is not similar to my major, but i dont care!!!!! i just dont care, hopefully i'll get this job ASAP. coz im tired of doing nothing hehhehehe... btw the interview is on thursday, that means i have one day to do research about the company.. whoaaaaa i wish it's my lucky week this week.....luckluckluck!!!!!!!!!!

or maybe i'll just get into the wild? as wat chris did? hhahhahhahahhaha i'd live as a nomad, but hey i need at least a rifle, to kill a lamb maybe, or i just turn into a vegetarian?
hahha, or or i bring some ransum?but it wont last long, hhhmmmm nah, i decide to stay home... im not at that stage yet,,,, maybe i will in couple of months muahahhaha

i am sooooo craving for a job!!!!!!!! god, i'll do anything to get one!!!!!

happiness is real when shared

"happiness is real when shared" is the quote of 'into the wild' in its last minute, whoaaa this movie is definitely one of my favs!!!!!!!!!!! sometimes wisdom comes up after a shocking or exhilarating experience. that's exactly wat happened to chris but sadly he didnt made it at the end. he's dead........ it's like reflection of youth passion and spirit. so blunt...

oh well, i found one oddity in the last book. on some first pages, it said that becky decided to go back earlier from their honeymoon, then luke persuades becky to go to the next destination which is to malaysia and ended in indonesia. but becky kept up her decision to go back earlier, so be it.. they finally got back two months earlier than the previous plan, one year. for the next pages, as the couple has come back to london, there were these lorries with some souvenirs from indonesia, including gamelan and batik ---man, gamelan is kinda much--da!!!!! i thought they skipped indonesia, so where exactly did they get gamelan? hahhahahahha....who cares though

Finished!!done it! Ends just like i thought how it'd be like. Kinsela ended it with mistery,whether becky's pregnant or not,i knew she is coz ive read the synopsis of the next shopaholic book hehe. . Turns out that 'can you keep a secret' is not part of shopaholic series books rather it's another story but still funny anyways-vania told me- whoa,cant wait to read another story of becky's hehe . Btw im at nina's at the moment before bak to my boardhouse,still with vania and other old friendsD

few pages left.......man, it all went like a movie just now

im at vania's house and still reading becky bloomwood, i didnt stop since this afternoon, i got to hate her awhile coz she's soooo materialistic, and she has got the consequence of it whoaaaa i am carried on......now i get to the part where she regrets all the mess and try to conciliate with every one she had hurt about..... we'll see then.......xoxoxoxox

wat im reading now.........

---------aight, actually reading is wat im doing in my unemployed,unproductive time like this------it's a funny hilarious story of becky bloomwood!!!!!! sophie made my emotions fluctuates!! one time i feel so annoyed by becky's thoughts and the other time she made me laugh out loud!!!!!!!!!!it's a must read!!!!!!! i also have read the previous series: 'confessions of a shopaholic, shopaholic takes manhattan, shopaholic tied the knot' heeheheheh......... i believe all girls must have felt and thought the way becky has.... it's like a reflection to the girls hehhehe me particularly...... look forward to read the next book hehhehe xoxoxooxo
ps: thanx for vania

officially graduated!!!!!!!

jobless bitch

yeh that's wat ive been calling my self recently with... heheehhee..... aight so last weekend, i went to semarang, my hometown, with initial intention to join recruitment test held by hsbc, as i got there, maaaaaannnnnnnn i was like along with other millions of unemployed people in semarang, sharing oxygen to breath-----nah, actually around 800!!! hehheheh but still!!!!!--------the system was crap, as in "walk in interview" kinda recruitment, we were like 20 animals who would fight to catch one food. long queue,uncertain time of result announcement. as i found out later that there would be a psychology test to select who'd be deserved to get an interview, i was like"gee, not again". to flash back wat happened in one week previously, im having this kinda psychology test phobia. i was too afraid to fail, and i did!!!!! i failed that test. it got me frustrated later on, i was questioning my self wat am i gonna do with no jobs? i feel like a loser...... psycho test sounds like a dead end for me...ever since....
and tomorrow morning is going to be my graduation day. yeh the boring sound ceremony but i forced my self to do it sincerely coz however i gotta appreciate my self for wat ive achieved in 3,5 year at uni. but hey, while the other girls have had reserved some salons to do them make over, i did'nt!!!!! yeh.... i just dont feel like it, and i think it's a waste of money.. i also dont have some tailor do my kebaya, i just bought it in local market hahhahahhah it's damn waaaaaayyyyyy cheaper!!!!!! will only wear it once though.........instead i bought my self some eye shadows and eye liners heehehehe i'll do my self a make up, not a heavy one off course. and for hair do, ive bought a cute piece of hairnet hehhehehe i believe those will do!!!!!!!!!!man,i wish i have a job already by now,, but like all my friends said" move on, ran.... tons of opportunities waiting out there..... hehehe" really look forward to one of em neways

ps; i got my self choked by a chewing gum before swallow it eventually, in the middle of my daydreaming in a bus back to jogja yesterday......wat an idiot

fooled by the weather

just bak from malioboro, got drenched on the way home--not that too drenched anyways-- before i decided to stop by nearest parking lot as the rain seems to get harder! 10 seconds later, after ive got myself covered by raincoat,and ride safely, the rain stops. total dry!! dammit!!

WATCH OUT OF PERVERT!!!!!

one day before i went to jakarta, i hit an internet cafe around my boardhouse. i was too focused with my monitor as i chatted with Xeron until suddenly and unexpectedly a guy popped out in front of my face. dammit i was shocked!! i said,"what the hell are u doing here?" he said, "hey, ive just walking around in front of u but u didnt pay any attention coz u were concentrating on the computer", i said, "so wat" he replied" hey, i like ur hair, it's cute"----ok, i washed my hair that nite before getting online, as a result, it turned curly, my natural hair is curly, real curly---he asked me if it's real, and i said "off course", then he answered"wat's ur name?" aha!!!! it's a motive!!!!! i said" i dont know, secret" and he keeps pushing to tell my name but i keep saying no. then he walked out....but few minutes later, he popped out back and asked me where i live and whether i'd still be there for the next hour, i just keep ignoring him. finally, he made a guess about where i live until he said the right guess!!!!! shit!!!! what the hell did he want? he's a pervert.. well, tacitly, i kept chatting with Xeron, and she asked me to get out and run and suggesting that i should bring a PEPPER SPRAY OR A KNIFE!!!!hhhmmmmm i think i agree with her, but i dont know where to buy pepper spray unless she'd send me that out...so i think a knife would be more affordable for me!!!!!! hehheheh...

blackout

Just got bak from jakarta to do a psychology test for Astra Credit Companies, where I hit my first job application as a fresh graduate, and I failed!!!! Damn..but hey u know wat, if I may choose, I wouldn’t choose to work in Jakarta coz it’s damn dirty and crowded as messy. But come what may, all the big companies are located there…….hhhmm wat’s gone just gone then hehhehhehe…. Feels really good to be back to beloved jogja… so hey it’s been ages since I post this blog last time yeh ehehhehe yea many has happened…..a). it’s been a new year 2008

b)im done with that final paper and got a nice mark( A!! yiiipeee)

c) look forward to a boring graduation ceremony at uni (maannnn I hate ceremonial event!!!!!), im gonna make sure I wont look like a clown—with heavy makeups as the previous graduates did!! Naah, I prefer not using any…..i look good naturally hehhehhee

d) have been doing fun for a month

e) just realized that I gotta make job for living,, time to be independent…..feel sorry for my parents

so the psycho test was sick, or I was.. even the girl sat next to me who has a master degree from England didn’t get it through either…..but one of my uni graduates made it. on the first day I arrived in Jakarta, I took a taxi to get into the company just to know where it is located, as I got there and find wat I seek, i then hired an Ojek( people who offer a ride with their motorbike to earn their living) and try to find some hotel nearby, but I found nothing!!!!!! All I found was some board houses, so I just paid one as for 500 thousand rupiahs a month.. damn…..it’s got hell of mosquitos afterall…….

And I couldn’t even sleep since I got there, while I spent the rest of the day just to stay in my room and try to black out. I did read, making calls, didn’t work all of it!!!!! so I took this sleeping pill called “ Lelap”. That was my first trial taking such pill, still didn’t work…. As time keeps running, I could feel my head dizzy and heavy but not tending to fall off. Later on I decided to take another three pills!!!!!!and few seconds later I felt soooo heavy at the top of my body and fell a sleep eventually……..whoaaaaaa that was an extreme way to get a sleep!!!!! But I promised my self to not doing it again… I think I was lucky to get a nice sleep….. well, I didn’t realize that my action could get me into an overdosed effect and I wouldn’t know wat would be happened to me by that hahhAHHAHAHH screw me!!!!!!!!!! Oh well, back to the psychopath test----hehehehheh :p----- man, I really hate that test, next time I’d have to get into that again, I’d buy a guide book first, and learn it deadly-------the result was announced 2 hours afterwards. as I found my failure, I’ll just walk out of the door gracefully, with my head up hheehheh I didn’t even care about it anyway….i believe there are many more opportunities for me out there and here I am looking for most suitable one :-)